VINCE YOUNG Milking a Cow on The Best Damn Sports Show - VIDEO

Apparently Rodney Peete shot off his mouth and guaranteed a USC win in the Rose Bowl. He swore he'd wear a Texas jersey if the Trojans lost.
Well, the Trojans lost.

So Vince Young appeared on the show shortly after the Rose Bowl to collect on the bet and talk about his future in the NFL. Peete wore Vince's #10 jersey, but got the last laugh by making Vince milk a cow on national television.

I truly believe Vince could outrun your average cow, but he sure seems a bit lost trying to milk this one.
He would have gotten more milk out of a bull.

SMQ's Take on USC

I know I’m a little late on this one, but I’d thought I’d comment on SMQ’s assessment of USC for the coming season. Heck I didn't even have the blog yet when he wrote it..

The Obvious: The whole backfield is gone, as is most of the front line and a pretty good TE. There are a lot of questions here. Without actual game time I find it difficult to fathom that SC will pick up where it left off, sans Rose Bowl loss. The biggest thing for me is chemistry. I don’t care how much talent the collective team has if they can’t play together they won’t go far.

As SMQ states: Several hundred pounds of hardware is gone en route to the NFL, most notably from the prolific backfield that got most of the attention during the team's 34-game win streak. Most teams suffer noticeably from the departure of a Heisman winner; the Trojans will be the first team ever to try to replace two, along with five other all-Americans. As usual after the kind of three-year run by Leinart, Bush and Co., this squad seems strictly partitioned from the awe-inspiring continuity of the past three, which really felt like the exact same team from year to year.
Well, if I understand him correctly SMQ feels that USC will kind of pick up where they left off. I would agree that Pete Carroll has picked up some great talent in his recruiting. But talent gets you only so far. Team chemistry is important and the only way you build true team chemistry is on the field. My concern is that with all the new faces are there enough veterans on the team to keep it together. Last years question was the defense but this years question is the offense.

SMQ’s take:CRY ME A FUCKIN' RIVER, FAUNTLEROY: Only four starters are back on offense, but it's tough to complain when all four - receivers Dwayne Jarrett and Steve Smith and linemen Sam Baker and Ryan Kalil - will be getting deserving all-America love from preseason mags, or when there are 46 career starts spread among offensive returnees officially listed as backups last year. You gotta love the line about Fauntleroy!

With all the big game experience returning the SC defense should be able to contain some of the high powered offenses that it will see. The linebacker corps is solid and it will be interesting to see how Shareece Wright fits in at CB, though I’m still not a fan of Ting at safety, hopefully Pinkard can pick up the slack. RB/TB, well SC is definitely stocked here but there are some major questions. First, will Washington stay eligible? With Dennis out with another ACL tear who steps up? I don’t think we’ll ever see Dennis in a Trojan uniform again. We’ll see if the loss to Texas has any lasting effect. There are some guys on this team who have something to prove and a lot of new ones who have yet to fully grasp the mystical spell that only Pete Carroll can produce. Ok, maybe him and Phil Jackson (Big Chief Triangle). Maybe Scott Ware can take some time out of his busy schedule to educate the yougins’. What do you think PB?

Great historical reference here. Where does he get this stuff? IF THIS TEAM WERE ANY POP CULTURAL, HISTORICAL, POLITICAL, LITERARY OR OTHERWISE NOTABLE FIGURE, IT WOULD BE... Clearly, Napoleon, rising from Elba: not altogether evil but dashing, formidable, aggressive and dangerously close to conquering the known world under a power-mad, authoritarian fist before a crushing defeat. Which makes Vince Young...who, class? If you said Lord Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington - or even the Furst von Wahlstatt, Gebhard Leberecht von Blucher, since SMQ is being so super generous - give yourself a gold star, and maybe try to get out a little more.
I won’t be as generous as SMQ though. I see 3 losses; Arkansas, Arizona and Cal; too many new faces, unproven team chemistry and history.

…It was a nice run, Kev.
Had to close out someday.
Nobody wins them all…

Now that I've chopped up his whole assessment, you can read the whole uninterupted post here. All in all a great bit of work.

AN ABSURDLY PREMATURE ASSESSMENT OF: UCLA

AN ABSURDLY PREMATURE ASSESSMENT OF: UCLA
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SMQ spins the wheel for a hastily-rendered, too-soon look at a random school's prospects for the fall, sans inevitable academic and criminal suspensions, sudden transfers, debilitating injuries and other miscellaneous misfortunes of the long summer

Today:
UCLA
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2005 was a leap forward for previously middling Karl Dorrell - unless winning ten games was preparing his own noose


PAST FIVE SEASONS: 37-24 (22-18 PAC Ten) - 2005: 10-2 (6-2 PAC Ten), Won Sun Bowl
STARTERS BACK, ROUGHLY: 10 (4 Offense, 6 Defense)
WHAT'S CHANGED: Just as he matured and produced the Bruins' first truly elite passing season since Cade McNown's senior effort (and the same 10-2 record, too, though no one was comparing last year's Bruins with the 1998 Rose Bowl/near-mythical championship team), three-year starter Drew Olson graduates and takes all-America-caliber early departures Maurice Drew and Marcedes Lewis along. That duo combined for 6,259 career yards and 60 touchdowns.
On defense, linebacker Spencer Havner's tackles were down in '05 from previous sky-high totals, but he leaves third on the school's career tackle and tackle for loss list since 1975.
WHAT'S THE SAME: The Drews and Lewis were the face of the top notch offense the past two seasons, but a good amount of mostly anonymous talent is back. SMQ has never heard of Chris Markey, Khalil Bell, Joe Cowan, Marcus Everett, Brandon Breazell, Gavin Ketchum or Ryan Moya, but combined they had 2,500 yards and 20 touchdowns last season in the shadows of their more hyped teammates; that group does not include Junior Taylor, injured early in '05 but back for a run at the go-to receiver designation. A lot is going to depend on the new quarterback, sophomore Ben Olson, but the overall production returning is quality and deep, and even if it can't match last year's 39-point average, shouldn't be far behind.
MORMONS IN HOLLYWOOD: Olson (Ben) reportedly almost beat out Olson (Drew) for the starting job after doing the Mormom mission thing and then transferring from BYU, but wound up only throwing four passes in relief duty. This inexperience makes him an unknown commodity, but reasons for hope include his size (6-5, 227) and obvious pro-style physical ability on top of his prep hype, which made Olson (Ben) the highest-rated quarterback among non-Vince Young recruits in 2002. And 'inexperience' does not necessarily equal 'immaturity' - Olson is 23, which makes him the second-oldest active Bruin (he's a month behid senior fullback Danny Nelson) and a candidate for Weinke-level creepiness in two years. In the meantime, Karl Dorrell will settle for Weinke-level results.
THEY ARE BROUGHT DOWN, EVENTUALLY: Telling stat: four of the top five tacklers last year were DBs. Now, no defense looks good in the PAC Ten - SMQ agrees to an extent with Heisman Pundit, who has argued that it's really the success of West Coast offenses more than the incompetence of defenses out there that's responsible for the numbers, though probably only a little bit more - but the Bruins were especially atrocious by any measure on that side of that ball, and specifically didn't come close to considering stopping anyone on the ground. The number 116, as in the national rank of the run defense, was bad enough, but the details were horrifying: three PAC Ten opponents ran for 300 yards, and USC had way over 400. The reasons for this, for one like SMQ who didn't get a good look at UCLA last fall, are hard to fathom, given that the Bruins are appropriately proportioned on the line, above-average in the speed/athleticism category and had a couple very highly regarded linebackers patrolling around (Havner and Justin London, both now gone). So we're talking about some scheme and maybe - this is tough to put a finger on, and much easier for us fly-over folks to levy against a team wearing powder blue in Los Angeles, but a persistent and valid charge nevertheless - heart/toughness issues. If you can still win ten with all that dysfunction, what can you do by improving to just near-competence?
OVERLY OPTIMISTIC POST-SPRING CHATTER: Double-digit victories was not enough to sate the persistent Dorrell-haters at Bruins Nation - not a surprise, really, for guys late of the subtly-named Fire Karl Dorrell - who seem to consider success built on a string of wild comebacks against the league's bottom dwellers and interrupted by the most stunning blowout of the decade somewhat illusory. But in the arena of illusion, that's nothing compared to the Nation's own forecasts of the new Olson - who they call here and elsewhere, seriously, the "Southpaw Jesus" - impact on the program, especially in relation to certain other Los Angeles-based mega schools:

If KD cannot get it done this year with this kid, a 23 year old, redshirt sophmore (who is supposed to be light years ahead of Weinke), who is supposed to be the most talented QB talent to come into Westwood since HOFer Aikman, he will never get it done. Here is to hoping for Ben/KD getting it done - winning 9 games and beating SC.
[...]
Lack of talent at QB - the most crucial position of a football program will not hold up as an excuse in 2006. We have a program savior type of talen in BO. It's up to KD to harness the talent, take advantage of it, and produce results (9 wins and a win over SC).

The nine-win barometer makes sense - hell, that's one fewer than last year, when no one could accuse Dorrell of working with "lack of talent at QB," and with an extra regular season game to get there - but the comparison with USC, right now, does not, and if Dorrell's job is said to depend solely on reversing the accumulated momentum of the past five years between these schools by November, nobody worth a damn will be lining up in the winter to fill britches that are probably too big for them, too. Remember, Southern Cal most recently beat UCLA 66-19, and it wasn't that close; with a young team built to win a good bit now and a ton down the road, wouldn't just being reasonably competitive with the Trojans again be enough of a leap for one year? Not for some folks...
REASON FOR HOPE: Olson (Ben) has all the physical tools and experienced surrounding talent to meet all most reasonable expectations. The defense couldn't possibly wind up ranking with Sun Belt teams again.
REASON TO BE AFRAID, VERY AFRAID: How much was '05 success, for lack of a more precise term, "lightning in a bottle"? Big Ben is not emerging from the bench fully formed. The defense has been a consistent albatross and hit a low that a lower-octane offense will have a much tougher time overcoming. Skill guys may be adequate, but will they be able to pick up slack for the departed Olson's experience, Maurice Drew's versatility and Lewis' all-around, big play freakosity?
IF THIS TEAM WERE ANY POP CULTURAL, HISTORICAL, POLITICAL, LITERARY OR OTHERWISE NOTABLE FIGURE, IT WOULD BE... Captain Ahab in search of more than a hide in his great white whale, for quite obvious reasons.

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All that most maddens and torments; all that stirs up the lees of things... all the subtle demonisms of life and thought; all evil, to crazy Ahab, were visibly personified, and made practically assailable in Moby Dick.


HONESTLY, WITHOUT LOOKING AT THE SCHEDULE, SMQ'S THINKING... Nine wins is certainly not out of this world, though SMQ thinks this looks like an 8-4 kind of team. That may sound like a step back, but given the chips-in-the-right-place way UCLA clawed to last season's success, overall progress - especially in the all-important SC affair - might not necessarily lead to more wins in the short term.


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Previous absurdly premature assessments:
April 3: Central Michigan...April 4: Brigham Young...April 6: Kentucky...April 7: Bowling Green...April 8: Southern Cal...April 11: Rutgers...April 12: Marshall...April 13: Florida State...April 15: San Diego State...April 17: Alabama...April 19: Oregon State...April 20: Buffalo...April 22: NC State...April 23: Arizona ...April 24: Memphis...April 26: Louisiana Tech...Apr il 28: Iowa...April 30: Toledo...May 2: Ohio State...May 3: Mississippi State...May 5: Southern Miss...UL-Lafayette...May 11: Akron...May 13: Michigan State...May 15: Air Force...May 17:Stanford...May 18: Georgia Tech...May 21: Connecticut...May 23: Purdue...May 25: Navy

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Dallas beat San Antonio - feels like Texas beating USC

I watched pretty much the entire game (except for a little bit of the 1st quarter) today - Dallas was kicking butt big time, and San Antonio, the champions that they are, came back fighting and got it to the last possession in regulation.

So many things I think could have been done just slightly differently to send the Mavs packing - worst of all was the foul on Dirk at the end to give him a 3-point play. If not for that, there was a good chance the 1-point differential would have sealed the deal for the Spurs.

Oh well, all the coulda-woulda-shoulda just reminds me of not too long ago in the Rose Bowl where we Trojan fans keep thinking ... if not for x, if we could just do y, etc. Ultimately, we had to accept that it was over.

Similarly, the NBA season is over for me. I do not care much about the Eastern Conference, and I know now that Detroit has a clear path to the finals and will beat whoever remains from the Western Conference. Dallas has a chance to finally make it to the Finals, and most likely will.

A Detroit-Dallas finals matchup is the perfect opportunity for me to catch up on some reading - Da Vinci Code, some work-related books, etc.

Filed In: Dallas Mavericks San Antonio Spurs NBA Basketball Western Conference Semi Finals Semis Texas USC University Southern California Trojans Rose Bowl

There is sound for the worthless

If no one noticed, I had partly planned to stop writing my lion's end of FreeDarko for the foreseeable New Year. I'm tired, angry, bored with the NBA, and have far more pressing things to do than spending several hours a day debating Lamar Odom's breast size on tv. I've also come to realize that, while as a blogger I'm supposed to want to cast a big tent, draw in the gross and distended for the sake of environment, people like Faith make me not want to visit my own site.

My scruffy 'ol relationship with the Association has so far fallen that yesterday I sent THC an email saying that I felt "embarrassed" for having tickets to a Wizards/Celtics jab-off that, incidentally, was set to overlap with the Redskins first playoff game in recorded history. Not that I care about Portis on the field anymore, or Moss more than two downs per half, but it just seemed like bad form; missing the NFL playoffs is nothing if not ignorant, and to do so in a city engulfed by post-season fever borders on youthful treason. Luckily, THC shot back with the observation that Arenas/Ricky Davis was a match-up akin to Hercules, I remembered what built this blog in the first place, and I was able to enjoy a lovely night of basketball without worrying who was angling for a field goal way off in the distance.

I could speak to you for eons of the zealotry and provident hand-outs that watching these two zesty, yet perfectly damned squads face off provided. The night was thick with such magical note cards as Gheorghe Muresan IN THE BUILDING to give a halftime award to the son of an owner of a favored chili spot. . . Larry David look-alike behind me who spent the entire fucking game yelling at the Wizards, especially Arenas, to "play defense" and "give it to Brendan". . . Delonte West, smooth as ice. . . Scalabrine put in to make one single clutch three-pointer from the corner, then promptly yanked again. . . the realization on my part that, in this here NBA, victory is about capitalizating on the opponents mistakes or overplaying your own, not executing flawlessly. . . my purchase of the single most honorary Arenas shirt known to horsekind. . . the chance to observe, in perfect form, the once-and-for-all deading of the "Butler is the next Pierce" nonsense. . . Ricky Davis, that damn good. . . some chubby, bespectacled mama's boy pulling off the most accomplished dance cam performance I've yet seen.



But what I really want to do is what I do best: heap shame upon the white man and back-handedly, somewhat imprecisely, praise those of the minority persuasion. One of my absolute least favorite things alive is white men, usually slightly older, talking sports to women who clearly don't need or want to hear it. At a crap Italian restaraunt back in H-Town, I nearly got up and punched some British guy who, when the conversation at his table turned casually to the geographic wonder that was the Rose Bowl, proceeded to bust loose with an amateur scouting report on Vince's pro prospects, the difference in defensive schemes, etc. Then last night, the man behind us had a running monologue going, presumably for the benefit of his wife/date, about the Princeton offense, Tampa Bay's defense, other garden variety ESPN.com information. Two rows back, the aforementioned LD impersonator would occasionally stop bellowing about defense (WORLD'S DUMBEST WIZARDS SEASON TICKETHOLDER. the Wizards are not built to play defense, just to score and get steals in transition/on the perimeter) to tell his daughter (??) about which Wizards were really valuable to a sound team game.



I am not a sailor or an adventurer, but something has become clear to me as I wash this earth with my scalding blood: if someone's not responding, they don't care. Either that, or you're talking way over their head. Granted, half of what people say out loud at a sporting event is to sound knowledgable around their oh-so informed peers in the bleachers. But if you are really, truly, talking about screens as a way of bonding with your female companion, it's not working. Keep in mind the model of the baseball game: at any given time, only about 70% of the spectators at a ballpark can apprectiate the nuances of the action, but that doesn't mean the others aren't having a good time. In fact, they're probably enjoying it on their own terms, with as much as they need to know, and find it intrusive to have someone browbeat them with technical wank. At the risk of pissing off our very limited female audience, usually a woman (or any non-fan, for you parents trying to force a burgeoning art fag to play catch) agreeing to go to a sporting event is itself a loveable concession. And if he/she is managing to enjoy the experience, its on her own terms, not through a cloudy, just-discovered lens of identical fandom that God calls upon you to polish. Otherwise, Sundays would not be a day of solitude, and playoff season would not be a unrelenting string of excuses and avoidances on my part.



What I have just taunted applies by and largely to the white man. In fact, in my grippingly amateur work in the field, I am fairly certain that I have observed nearly the opposite behavior among African-Americans, especially younger couples. I think that it has something to do with the black NBA Date, from hereon known as BNBAD. Most younger white people at games are there with their boys, maybe their father (like I can afford these tickets). It's basically an extension of the "yelling in front of the television" setting that gives rise to retarded, self-important sites like this in the first place. But younger black couples at games have a curious dynamic going on—the game is a legit dating (or at least "date") activity, but it doesn't overwhelm things. This could easily lead to some dangerous suppositions about African-American women being genetically predisposed to understand basketball better than their ivory-toned contemporaries (someone, please, take the bait and fight me!), but more likely it has to do with an understanding of the fact that a sporting event can mean different things to different people, and there's no reason that everyone can't enjoy it in their own sweet way. Or that, if the man has already gotten his way by going to a game, he owes it to his woman to make the experience as pleasant, and un-dude-ish, as possible. I am forcibly lead to believe that it's the absence of this institution among the white race that leads to such awful pieces of shittery as "man lectures woman with two-bit commentary" that I have on so many occasions observed.



I hardly remember any other sports well enough to elaborate on this across the boards of discipline; I wonder if it's not an NBA-exclusive phenomen, even if the content sometimes ranges far and free. All I want to say is teach your children well, and maybe future generations will be spared my wrath.

CFN's 2006 USC preview

Pete Fiutak
CFN

USC's toughest foe this season might not be UCLA, Nebraska, or even Notre Dame. It could be the ghost of Miami.

It was just a few short years ago when everyone was hailing the Miami Hurricanes as the greatest team of all time after a dominant national title season culminating in a blowout over Nebraska in the 2002 Rose Bowl. Just as the place in history appeared a foregone conclusion with back-to-back titles, Ohio State, a powerhouse program that hadn't won the national title since 1968, shocked the world in one of the all-time greatest games to end all talk of Miami's claim of being the greatest ever.

USC dominated in a blowout national title game, was praised as the greatest team of all-time, lost in one of the all-time greatest games to a powerhouse program that hadn't won a national title in decades. Will USC fall to the land of the way-above average like Miami did?

It's not like the Hurricanes have been bad over the last few seasons, but college football has a way of making it hard for one team to hang out in the stratosphere for too long. While big-time programs like Miami and USC simply replace all-star talent with more all-star talent, it's hard to get every break needed several years in a row to stay in the national title chase every season.

What if Cal's Aaron Rodgers didn't air mail his pass through the end zone in the 2004 classic loss in Los Angeles? What if Matt Leinart didn't fumble the ball out of bounds on his diving attempt to the end zone in the win over Notre Dame last year? There's a razor-thin margin between being 12-0 and 10-2, but can USC's talent overcome fate?

There isn't a more talented team in America with a who's who of high school all-stars brought in by Pete Carroll. It's hard to fall too far when you have the best recruiting class in the country two years in a row. But there are big things to worry about like the health of quarterback John David Booty, the issues in the running back corps from injuries to inexperience, and the loss of most of the key players in the secondary. Of course, you don't get better when you lose some of the greatest players in college football history like Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush along with talents like LenDale White and Darnell Bing.

Even with all the question marks, the Trojans should be in the mix for yet another national title appearance thanks to great coaching, great players, and a great schedule that's tailor-made for a championship. Then again, the same was said about Miami going into the 2004 season.

The Schedule: There are plenty of tough games, but most of them are at home. While the opener at Arkansas will be tougher than it might seem, five of the six road dates are against teams that didn't go bowling last year. The season finale at UCLA is the exception. Nebraska, Arizona State, Oregon, Cal and Notre Dame should all flirt with the top 15 this year and all could tag USC if things aren't clicking, but once again, all those top teams have to come to L.A. November is a bear playing Oregon, Cal and Notre Dame.

Best Offensive Player: Junior WR Dwayne Jarrett. He can do it all with too much size for most college corners and too much athleticism to be nullified from a double team. He was the best wide receiver in America last year, but now he'll have to shine without Matt Leinart throwing him the ball.

Best Defensive Player: Junior DE Lawrence Jackson. A bit overshadowed by all the superstars on the offensive side, Jackson had a fantastic season making ten sacks and coming up with big play after big play. Can he shine when he's the focus of every blocking scheme? Absolutely. He's more than just a pass rushing specialist, but that's what'll get him All-America recognition.

Key player to a successful season: Senior OT Kyle Williams and sophomore OF Chilo Rachal. Throw junior Alatini Malu in the mix, as well. Much will be made out of the replacements at quarterback and running back, but there are also some big-time shoes to fill on the line of the line with Winston Justice and Taitusi Lutui off to the NFL. The machine could break down in a hurry if Williams, Rachal and Malu don't shine on the right side.

The season will be a success if ... USC plays for the national title. Would just winning the Pac 10 and going to a BCS game be good enough at this point? It should be, but the bar is set ridiculously high after going 54-10 under Pete Carroll and losing two games in three years.

Key game: Sept. 2 at Arkansas. The Hogs are much, much better than they were last year when the Trojans won in a 70-17 laugher. With all the new starters, USC has to come out roaring to prove to itself that the mojo is still there. A close shave, or heaven forbid, a loss to Arkansas would make for a rough two weeks before facing Nebraska.

2005 Fun Stats:
- Third quarter scoring: USC 178 - Opponents 42
- Third down conversions: USC 92 of 167 (55%) - Opponents 65 of 178 (37%)
- Punt return average: Opponents 17 yards - USC 8.6 yards

Purdue's "Throwback" Game

You might have thought Purdue’s Sept. 2 game against Indiana State was just another football season opener.

You’re wrong.

Purdue officials have designated that contest as a “throwback game.” It will be used to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the Boilers’ first Rose Bowl team. Players will wear the same helmets, jerseys and pants that the 1966 Rose Bowl squad wore. Coaches, managers and cheerleaders will wear the same outfits their 1966 counterparts did. The band will play 1966 music, so expect to hear The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Beach Boys and the always popular Peter, Paul and Mary.

Who’s Peter, Paul and Mary? If you’ve heard the song “Puff the Magic Dragon,” you’ve heard of them. If you haven’t, you need to get a life.

Anyway, for the record, Purdue beat Southern California 14-13 in that Rose Bowl. Also for the record, the “throwback” uniforms will be auctioned off after the Indiana State game.

Off the record, the greatest hits of Peter, Paul and Mary might also be available, so brace yourself, then get that life. And just because I know who Peter, Paul and Mary is doesn’t date me. I read a lot of history.